Laugh
by Toasty
Summary: I wish I could have seen Remus when he was young. I wish I could have seen him full of life, full of love, full of hope for what his future held in store for him. Ginny contemplates.


Nothing is mine and I've got no idea where this came from.  The ending is a bit odd, but I like it well enough.

Laugh 

            "I wish I could have seen Remus when he was young.

            "I wish I could have seen him full of life, full of love, full of hope for what his future held in store for him.  I wish I could have seen him smiling- really smiling- because he had never known real death.

            "I wish I didn't have to see Remus as he is now.  Now he's full of sorrow, and his eyes are murky pools of blue, holding onto nothing but the fact he must live, not for himself, but for those around him.  I wish I never had to see him unhappy or blue.  I wish I could see him smile like he did when he and Sirius joked about pranks they had pulled on Snape.

            "I wish I could make him that happy.  That carefree.  That relaxed.

            "I know of a picture of Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter from when they were sixth years at Hogwarts.  Sirius had dropped it during one of his tantrums the summer before my fourth year, because that's what he had, tantrums.

            "I knew I should have given it back to Sirius, or back to Harry after Sirius was gone, because I knew he didn't have many pictures of his father.  I didn't though.  I kept it, stashed away inside my "Holidays With Hags" text, which was no longer a text, but pages and pages of nothing on which for me to write.

            "I would bring it out every so often.  Just to look at it, you know.  I would watch the four of them wrestling with each other, joking, and getting along so wonderfully, and I would wonder, if things had happened differently, if they would be like that now.

            "I study each of them for a minute, but Remus the longest.  I look at Peter, and I want to scream, because by the time I found the picture Ron had told me everything that had happened.  I never could look at him long.  Sirius is next to him, one arm wrapped around Peter, and the other around James.  He usually has a confident smirk plastered across his face, and it always reminds me of the smirk Draco Malfoy always has.  Which made me laugh.  A lot.

            "James is always all smiles, his glasses askew most of the time and his fingers flashing bunny ears behind Peter's head.  He has Harry's nose, which I'm sure Harry never realized, but his eyes are much darker, deeper, and meaningful.

"Remus always draws my attention though.  He is always how I have never really seen him before.  He is laughing.  And whenever I looked at that old photo he was always laughing.  His teeth are showing through his grinning mouth, and his pale eyes crinkle up in the corners, showing laugh lines even at that young an age.  Sometimes he covers his eyes and shakes his head at the antics of his friends, but he is always smiling.  Always laughing.

            "And I wish I could have seen him like that.

            "I haven't seen him smile in years.  I've watched him turn up his lips at the holidays, thanking my mum for inviting him over.  I've watched him politely thank people for gifts and information, and even well wishes, but never really smile.

            "Grimmauld Place is dusty nowadays.  During the height of the war, and even for a few years after, it was full of action and interesting smells, especially with Dung visiting more and more often.  It's been laid to rest now.  Kreacher's gone, and Mrs. Black's painting has been removed, leaving the halls silent.  Harry lives off with Ron, somewhere near Norwich, though I've never been to see their place.  Dumbledore left the house under the fidelius charm, although I tend to be the only one to frequent it any more.

            "And what about me?  I get by.  Luna took over the Quibbler not a year after we finished Hogwarts and wasted no time in building my career along with her own.  I can't complain about it, because I do love it, but life is hectic, and Grimmauld Place is not.

            "I spend my time here in the kitchen, where I used to spend most of my time when the house was alive with action.  I sit on one of the long benches beside the table, flipping through the pages of my journal, charmed only in the sense that it holds the magic of my life.  I write little in it nowadays, and I fear this will be my last entry.

            "As I finish it, my eyes are drawn back to the picture laying on the buttery soft table-top.  Sirius' smirk is gone, he and Peter are now wrestling, with James trying to pull them apart.  I smile as his glasses get knocked askew once again.  Off to the right Remus stands, laughing like I've never seen him laugh in life, smiling like he'll never be able to smile again.

            "I know it'll only be two years for them until their world comes to a crashing halt, and yet I also know it'll be a lifetime, for they are trapped at sixteen forever, and they will love each other forever, and everything will be perfect for them forever. 

            "Forever.  The four of them will be happy until the end of time, and yet all I wish in life is to see Remus smile again.

            "This is my last trip back to this dusty home.  I am ending this chapter of my story, and starting a new one of life, instead of death.  Although I know the photo should be returned, if not to Remus, then to Harry, but it is staying too.

            "And, although I wish I could have seen Remus when he was young, I wish he would smile even more."

            Ginny gently placed the worn picture beneath her writing and taped the four corners in place.  Sighing, she looked around the dilapidated kitchen.  Shaking her head, she closed her book and stood.  With a deep breath she walked out.

            "Holidays With Hags" stayed on the worn table.

~*~

            "Ginny Weasley?"  Ginny looked up from her desk into the face of a mousy looking man.

            "May I help you?"  She turned back to the form she was filling out and motioned for him to have a seat.

            "I'd like to stand actually," She looked up again and let out an impatient sigh.

            "Make it quick then."

            "My…" he cleared his throat and refused to meet her eyes, "My _employer_ would like to have a word with you."

            Ginny set her quill down and crossed her arms.  "And what, pray tell, does Mundungus Fletcher want out of me this time?"

            The nervous man immediately loosened up and took a seat across from the redhead.  "He doesn't want anything from you really," she raised her eyebrows and he continued on, "No, really he doesn't."

            "Then what is this all about?"

            "He wants to talk to you about something he found.  But he wants to do it in private."

            Ginny sighed and stood from her desk.  Walking towards her office door she grabbed her cloak.  "Well let's go then."

            Mundungus Fletcher, Ginny Weasley was sure, had never set foot in a normal tea shop.  Everywhere he went had to be smoky and dark and all around unclean.  Much like Mundungus himself.  He met her at the door, and quickly rushed her inside the pub, leaving his goon standing outside, no doubt, Ginny was sure, to make sure they didn't have any unwelcome visitors.

            "I 'ave sometin' of yours, Ginnykins."  She could see the cool smile playing across his face.  In front of him, slowly being pushed closer to the young redhead was an old Hogwarts text.

            Ginny shook her head and pushed it back to the dodgy old man.  "I don't want it Dung.  Put it back where you took it from.  That's where it belongs."

            Mundungus rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  'I ain't goin' to, ya know."

            Ginny stood.  "Yes, I know that Dung, but I also know it wouldn't make you much of a profit on the black market, so I don't have much to worry about."

            Remus hadn't seen the picture since he was in Hogwarts himself.  Dung had yet to tell him where he had found it, and he wasn't too interested in listening anyway.  Until the shady character pushed a book towards him too, open to the very last page.  Quietly, Remus read.

            It was the first thing Mundungus Fletcher ever gave away.

~*~

            Ginny came home late at night so she could walk into a silent house.  During the day her cat would meow and her birds would chirp.  At night they were silent.  Ginny had spent so many years being surrounded by noise that she loved the silence more than anything.

            Smiling to herself, she slipped off her shoes and her cloak.

            "I remember the picture."

            Ginny jumped and stared into the dark, almost as if she could see through the inky space.  "Who's there?"

            "It was our first week back to Hogwarts, you know."

            "Remus, is that you?"  The redhead fished around for her wand.  "_Incendio_!"  Her fireplace burst into flames, filling the room with light and casting an eerie glow across Remus Lupin's face.

            "We were all so thrilled to be back together again that we couldn't stop smiling."  His fingers were tracing over the magical photo Ginny knew so well.  "Sirius and Peter never could stop bickering, and James was always the one to pull them apart."

            "And you couldn't stop laughing."  Reums looked up and met Ginny's brown eyes.  "You couldn't stop smiling and you couldn't stop laughing.  You thought nothing in the world could ever stop you from loving those three boys, and because of that nothing could ever stop you from smiling."

            Remus broke the contact and looked back down at the picture.  "I thought we would be the Marauders forever.

            Ginny smiled a small smile.  "That photo kept me hopeful through it all."

            Remus closed his eyes and faced away from the four smiling boys.  "How could it Ginny?  How could it give you hope when all it shows me is what I've lost?  What we've all lost?"

            She quietly padded over to the chair he was sitting in and kneeled in front of him, her hands resting on his knees.  "Remus," she whispered, "look at the picture."  He shook his head and his hair, salt and peppered at the temples, fell into his tightly shut eyes.

            "I see four best friends," she said, facing up towards her elder, the faces of the picture ingrained in her mind.  "I don't see a deatheater, an escaped convict, Harry's father, and a werewolf.  I see four best friends."  Ginny took Remus' hands in her own and squeezed them.  "I see four best friends with an entire lifetime ahead of them, and they don't know much, but they know they'll be there for each other until the end of the world, and longer.  I see four best friends, and nothing more."

            A tear began rolling down his cheek.

            "Remus," she whispered, her own voice cracking as a tear fell, "I don't see what was in this picture, I see what will be."  She brushed away a tear and continued on.  "That picture is as just as much Harry, Hermione, Ron, and I as it was you four.  It's just as much my children as it was your parents.  That picture isn't loss and sorrow and pain, Remus.  It's hope.  Laughter.  It's you smiling Remus!  Something I'm sure you can't remember doing because it's been so long since you have done it."

            Remus shook his head again.  "No Ginny, it's not that."  He looked at the picture again.  "It's everything that's ever gone wrong, not everything that could ever go right."

            Ginny sighed and stood, making her way towards her small kitchen.  "We can't say who is right, and who is wrong, Remus."  A kettle was pulled from a dark corner and filled with cold water.  "We each see what we wish to, but I think you should consider something."  She pulled out a teapot and leaves, as well as two cups.

            "And what should I consider, Ginny?"  He had stood from the chair by the fire and now stood across the counter from the young redhead.

            Ginny looked up and handed him a cup of hot tea.  "I still smile."

            Remus laughed.

End.


End file.
